So basically I'm so tired of people having songs as their profile song, quoting songs, etc. When they don't even A. own the CD. B. Have the CD downloaded or C. Just know that song.
So I've made a list of songs I think need to STOP being played, quoted, put on profile, etc.:
1. S.O.S. By Jonas Brothers:
Okay I have absolutly no problem with being a fan of the Jonas Brothers. As many of you know I am a huge fan, and have been for two years. But really, they have more songs and better quotes to live off of rather then; "I gave my all for you, now my heart's in two and I can't find the other half, it's like I'm walking on broken glass, better believe i bleed." Okay try listening to another song off the CD, or better yet go onto itunes and download "It's About Time" and then call the Jonas Brothers deep. Try listening to something that means something to someone else other then yourself.
2. Bubbly By Colbie Caliet:
I don't even know if I spelt her name right but anyway, I am not a fan of hers but "Bubbly" has been played on the radio, and been quoted and made a profile song so many times, everywhere I go it's like getting chased my Colbie Caliet. Ugh... she either needs a new single or you people need to go out and buy her CD then quote her.
3. Teardrops On By Guitar By Taylor Swift:
This song is one of my favorite songs by my favorite artist but see here's the problem, you all use the lyrics to much. I did that too, but at least I wrote the right ones. That song is an upsetting, sad song that I'm sure you haven't heard beings the fact you won't hear the original version unless you have the older "Taylor Swift" CD. So either write the right lyrics or stop trying to make everyone feel bad about you.
4. Misery Buisness By Paramore:
So Paramore recently released this song and it didn't amazing. It started Paramore's career. However, it really needs to stop being quoted. We get "She's a whore nothing more" it's great but just stop quoting it there are a bajillion other amazing quotes in their songs like; "The battle that you hate to fight just blam the limelight, don't look up just let them think there's no place else you'd rather be" see, good lyrics? Just go buy the CD.
I will be adding more lyrics tonight.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Just Watch The Fireworks ♥
So basically I've given up, no not on life, but on being sorry for myself. That's all 2007 was, an excuse for me to be sorry for myself. Really? Is that anyway to live my life? I'm going to do things I've wanted to do for a long time for me, not for anyone but me.
I'm done looking at the bad side of things. The side I absolutly hate just because people have told me to. I'm going to do a number of things and make 2000 freakin 8 the best damn year I've ever had.
I'm going to get into Carver first off, and if that doesn't happen; I'll live. I'm going to get a job so I can get some cold hard freakin cash, I'm going to write my book because I want to finish one, I'm going to get the guy because at the rate of running into him I'm going, he's got to at least of aknowledged my presents already, I'm going to go to every concert imaginable, I'm going to get through and survive freshmen year thanks to my bestest friend, Kelsey. I'm going to spend my money wisely, I'm going to do everything possible to help me achieve my dreams of becoming an author, I'm going to help save some lives, I'm going to put out my designs, and to top it all off, I'm going to get the guy, because at some point in time I have to change his life somehow, whether it be just running into him 39028 bajillion times, or talking to him which hopefully will come soon enough, one day he'll open his eyes and we'll be more then just aquaintences (more or less aquaintences), oh and he'll break up with stupid head.
Oh and I'm going to dress pretty because I feel happy at school when I'm wearing what I want to wear and doing what I want to do, which is writing, and working towards my ever living dream of finishing high school and going to NYU.
My life is done waiting around, and being a nobody, time to be happy or at least make the best of a given suituation, I'm going to be Me.
Not anyone else just mwah.
But one last complaint before I go on the quest to find Natalie:
These benefit concerts.
Em K.... so a year ago I started a benefit concert with my two best friends. I can promise you I did because I have a solid amount of people who were involved, I also have countless messages from bands interested as well as proof in a MySpace. Do you remember a year ago when someone messaged me saying I'm crazy? Ahahaha, now look at you all, really it's pathetic especially because the idea of a benefit concert was pathetic when I did it. But now that you're doing it you seem to think it's an amazing yet impossible idea.
Hah, really.... half the bands you most likely can't afford and in the long run you'll realize what you're thinking of doing is really hard.
Word of advice; donate your money, not someone else's especially when half the bands won't even do it.
KJN was the first ever benefit concert idea, thanks for stealing our "pathetic and impossible" idea, really.
Oh and for the people who are doing the one with the original fans, that's a little unfair. Especially because half the old fans, the ones who went and stood in line, and sent evil messages to Columbia you probably don't even know. So how on earth are you going to get every original fan? Hm....? Really it's a bit stupid, either include everyone or no one.
The original old fans are all over the place and you seem to not really care that you're just inviting your friend/aquaintences.
Anyways, that's my raint of the day.
Oh and please stop bluffing, no one can afford the Jonas Brothers, much less interupt their tour so you can have a private concert with all your friends.
I'm not saying it's not going to happen but I'm saying stop making everyone feel terrible, it's not really worth all this crap.
Okay I'm really really really done.
P.L.H.
N.C.L.
I'm done looking at the bad side of things. The side I absolutly hate just because people have told me to. I'm going to do a number of things and make 2000 freakin 8 the best damn year I've ever had.
I'm going to get into Carver first off, and if that doesn't happen; I'll live. I'm going to get a job so I can get some cold hard freakin cash, I'm going to write my book because I want to finish one, I'm going to get the guy because at the rate of running into him I'm going, he's got to at least of aknowledged my presents already, I'm going to go to every concert imaginable, I'm going to get through and survive freshmen year thanks to my bestest friend, Kelsey. I'm going to spend my money wisely, I'm going to do everything possible to help me achieve my dreams of becoming an author, I'm going to help save some lives, I'm going to put out my designs, and to top it all off, I'm going to get the guy, because at some point in time I have to change his life somehow, whether it be just running into him 39028 bajillion times, or talking to him which hopefully will come soon enough, one day he'll open his eyes and we'll be more then just aquaintences (more or less aquaintences), oh and he'll break up with stupid head.
Oh and I'm going to dress pretty because I feel happy at school when I'm wearing what I want to wear and doing what I want to do, which is writing, and working towards my ever living dream of finishing high school and going to NYU.
My life is done waiting around, and being a nobody, time to be happy or at least make the best of a given suituation, I'm going to be Me.
Not anyone else just mwah.
But one last complaint before I go on the quest to find Natalie:
These benefit concerts.
Em K.... so a year ago I started a benefit concert with my two best friends. I can promise you I did because I have a solid amount of people who were involved, I also have countless messages from bands interested as well as proof in a MySpace. Do you remember a year ago when someone messaged me saying I'm crazy? Ahahaha, now look at you all, really it's pathetic especially because the idea of a benefit concert was pathetic when I did it. But now that you're doing it you seem to think it's an amazing yet impossible idea.
Hah, really.... half the bands you most likely can't afford and in the long run you'll realize what you're thinking of doing is really hard.
Word of advice; donate your money, not someone else's especially when half the bands won't even do it.
KJN was the first ever benefit concert idea, thanks for stealing our "pathetic and impossible" idea, really.
Oh and for the people who are doing the one with the original fans, that's a little unfair. Especially because half the old fans, the ones who went and stood in line, and sent evil messages to Columbia you probably don't even know. So how on earth are you going to get every original fan? Hm....? Really it's a bit stupid, either include everyone or no one.
The original old fans are all over the place and you seem to not really care that you're just inviting your friend/aquaintences.
Anyways, that's my raint of the day.
Oh and please stop bluffing, no one can afford the Jonas Brothers, much less interupt their tour so you can have a private concert with all your friends.
I'm not saying it's not going to happen but I'm saying stop making everyone feel terrible, it's not really worth all this crap.
Okay I'm really really really done.
P.L.H.
N.C.L.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
2007
January 14th 2007- January 14th marked the one year anniversery of when I first heard about Jonas, it was an amazing day.
January 31st 2007- On January 31st I became one of the biggest Taylor Swift Fans in the universe, she's still my favorite, and I know I'll meet her someday.
April 7th 2007- I learned who my true friends are.
April 12th 2007- I vowed never to take anyone to Florida besides Bridgette.
May 15th 2007- I found Lily at Petsmart, and told my mom we had to get her!
May 17th 2007- My mom agreed, and she went and picked up Lily (it was also her Birthday).
June 17th 2007- My last day of Middle school occured.
June 24th 2007- I took my 7th trip to Hershey Park to see the Jonas Brothers twice. I met Chad, Ashley and Mackenzie.
June 26th 2007- I talked to Paul for the first time over MySpace.
June 28th 2007- Kasey & I came up with a solution to the problem with missing the boys.
July 26th 2007- Kasey & Jessy came over and we called Paul and talked to him for the first time.
July 17th 2007- I commented LOL for the first time.
July 19th 2007- I joined LOL.
July 20th 2007- Saw Cheyenne Kimball and Katelyn Tarver and rode the Tea cups.
Highlights:
- Getting directions.
- Tea cups!
- Waiting for them to get off the pirate ship
- Robin was hot.
- And the Jonas Brothers on August 2nd. AHHHH!
July 27th 2007- We rented a van and headed with Kasey, Jessy, Rosie, my stepmom and my dad to New Jersey. I also have you know we played 385902386 tricks on my sister and Jessy, not to mention coming up with the saying "The Hottub; where dreams come true"
July 28th 2007- The famous saying "The hottub is out of oder" came about, and we went to the ballooning festival.
Highlights of BF:
- Kasey sang "R.E.S.P.E.C.T." and came in second place, and got 25 dollars.
- We met Paul, for the first time.
- We saw JB preform
- We met Jonas, and Kevin told Paul he was awesome.
- Jessy fainted.
- I cussed A LOT.
- We met up with Ashley.
- We spent Kasey's winning money on dinner and gave a very genorous tip.
July 29th 2007- My sister and I went to a weird 'stuck in the 70's' church which we couldn't even describe to Kasey & Jessy. Then we went to Philly to see JB:
Highlights of Philly:
- We had to find a parking spot.
- Getting in the wrong line.
- Getting water.
- "I'm DONE!" music stops.
- Almost getting electricuted.
- BYE BYE BYE
- My hat.
- Kip
- Meeting JB again.
August 2nd 2007- We saw Jonas at Six Flags, MD.
Highlights:
- Seeing Paul again.
- Meeting Taz.
- Wasting 5 dollars on that stupid get it in the whole game.
- Tea cups (again)
- Bought 20 dollars worth of water.
- French Fries.
- Video
- Joe and Paul both said; "You're hat is like whoa!"
August 7th 2007- JB's CD came out and gee wilikers was I excited!
August 18th 2007- I started Pushplayfan.com which was called then; "pushplay.fangap.com"
August 19th 2007- I went to OC with my mom and sister.
August 22nd 2007- I rode the Sea rocket, my first boat trip since the "After Dinner Cruise" of 'o4. No accidents :)
August 23rd 2007- That marked the worst OC trip yet!
August 29th 2007- I started at Hereford High.
August 30th 2007- I moved in with my mom.
September 1st 2007- I met LeAnne & Aimee, with some others for the first time at Maryland fair!
September 3rd 2007- Aimee and LeAnne met me at the grocery store, and they spent the night. We played with chalk and walked through cemetaries.
September 5th 2007- I started at KDHS.
September 9th 2007- I went back to Hereford.
September 18th 2007- Kasey & Jess and I stopped being friends.
Ocotober 1st 2007- We made the JB Poner's shirts.
Ocotober 7th 2007- We saw JB in VA!
Highlights:
- Scaring LeAnne's mom.
- Supernatural
- Chick Fil' A
- Sunburn
- No Cameras.
- Carride.
- Kip.
- Starwells.
Ocotober 23rd 2007- I met the evil and ficcious Derek.
October 25th 2007- One good thing came out of Derek, I started talking to Kasey & Jessy again!
Ocotber 29th 2007- LeAnne, my mom and I went to NYC for the Push Play Press Conference.
To many highlights!
November 8th 2007- I turned 15.
December 3rd 2007- 1 year ago I met Kasey & Jessy and met JB.
December 10th 2007- Thanks to evil and ficcious brainwashing Derek, he told me to quit LOL, by making up some BIG lies, so I left LOL.
December 17th 2007- I started talking to LeAnne again and left Derek behind (thank God)
December 25th 2007- I got TMX YAYA!
December 27th 2007- I saw Aly & AJ in concert!
THE END OF '07!
Love,
N.C.L.
January 31st 2007- On January 31st I became one of the biggest Taylor Swift Fans in the universe, she's still my favorite, and I know I'll meet her someday.
April 7th 2007- I learned who my true friends are.
April 12th 2007- I vowed never to take anyone to Florida besides Bridgette.
May 15th 2007- I found Lily at Petsmart, and told my mom we had to get her!
May 17th 2007- My mom agreed, and she went and picked up Lily (it was also her Birthday).
June 17th 2007- My last day of Middle school occured.
June 24th 2007- I took my 7th trip to Hershey Park to see the Jonas Brothers twice. I met Chad, Ashley and Mackenzie.
Highlights of Hershey:
- Blonde haired witch.
- Why do we have to get up at 3 AM?
- We left at 8 AM smartie.
- Natalie! Stop videotapping.
- I don't smell any chocolate
- CHAD! Do you like your job?
- Finding a better spot in line at the top.
- Crazy girl who we saw again.
- Joe's mine! Why do you want him?
- Finding the bathroom.
- Kasey having to pee.
- Great Bear
- Crazy New York lady!
- Bathroom trips.
- Waving to ski lift people.
June 26th 2007- I talked to Paul for the first time over MySpace.
June 28th 2007- Kasey & I came up with a solution to the problem with missing the boys.
July 26th 2007- Kasey & Jessy came over and we called Paul and talked to him for the first time.
July 17th 2007- I commented LOL for the first time.
July 19th 2007- I joined LOL.
July 20th 2007- Saw Cheyenne Kimball and Katelyn Tarver and rode the Tea cups.
Highlights:
- Getting directions.
- Tea cups!
- Waiting for them to get off the pirate ship
- Robin was hot.
- And the Jonas Brothers on August 2nd. AHHHH!
July 27th 2007- We rented a van and headed with Kasey, Jessy, Rosie, my stepmom and my dad to New Jersey. I also have you know we played 385902386 tricks on my sister and Jessy, not to mention coming up with the saying "The Hottub; where dreams come true"
July 28th 2007- The famous saying "The hottub is out of oder" came about, and we went to the ballooning festival.
Highlights of BF:
- Kasey sang "R.E.S.P.E.C.T." and came in second place, and got 25 dollars.
- We met Paul, for the first time.
- We saw JB preform
- We met Jonas, and Kevin told Paul he was awesome.
- Jessy fainted.
- I cussed A LOT.
- We met up with Ashley.
- We spent Kasey's winning money on dinner and gave a very genorous tip.
July 29th 2007- My sister and I went to a weird 'stuck in the 70's' church which we couldn't even describe to Kasey & Jessy. Then we went to Philly to see JB:
Highlights of Philly:
- We had to find a parking spot.
- Getting in the wrong line.
- Getting water.
- "I'm DONE!" music stops.
- Almost getting electricuted.
- BYE BYE BYE
- My hat.
- Kip
- Meeting JB again.
August 2nd 2007- We saw Jonas at Six Flags, MD.
Highlights:
- Seeing Paul again.
- Meeting Taz.
- Wasting 5 dollars on that stupid get it in the whole game.
- Tea cups (again)
- Bought 20 dollars worth of water.
- French Fries.
- Video
- Joe and Paul both said; "You're hat is like whoa!"
August 7th 2007- JB's CD came out and gee wilikers was I excited!
August 18th 2007- I started Pushplayfan.com which was called then; "pushplay.fangap.com"
August 19th 2007- I went to OC with my mom and sister.
August 22nd 2007- I rode the Sea rocket, my first boat trip since the "After Dinner Cruise" of 'o4. No accidents :)
August 23rd 2007- That marked the worst OC trip yet!
August 29th 2007- I started at Hereford High.
August 30th 2007- I moved in with my mom.
September 1st 2007- I met LeAnne & Aimee, with some others for the first time at Maryland fair!
September 3rd 2007- Aimee and LeAnne met me at the grocery store, and they spent the night. We played with chalk and walked through cemetaries.
September 5th 2007- I started at KDHS.
September 9th 2007- I went back to Hereford.
September 18th 2007- Kasey & Jess and I stopped being friends.
Ocotober 1st 2007- We made the JB Poner's shirts.
Ocotober 7th 2007- We saw JB in VA!
Highlights:
- Scaring LeAnne's mom.
- Supernatural
- Chick Fil' A
- Sunburn
- No Cameras.
- Carride.
- Kip.
- Starwells.
Ocotober 23rd 2007- I met the evil and ficcious Derek.
October 25th 2007- One good thing came out of Derek, I started talking to Kasey & Jessy again!
Ocotber 29th 2007- LeAnne, my mom and I went to NYC for the Push Play Press Conference.
To many highlights!
November 8th 2007- I turned 15.
December 3rd 2007- 1 year ago I met Kasey & Jessy and met JB.
December 10th 2007- Thanks to evil and ficcious brainwashing Derek, he told me to quit LOL, by making up some BIG lies, so I left LOL.
December 17th 2007- I started talking to LeAnne again and left Derek behind (thank God)
December 25th 2007- I got TMX YAYA!
December 27th 2007- I saw Aly & AJ in concert!
THE END OF '07!
Love,
N.C.L.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Love.
Sunday's are always a blah. I have to say I really can't put into words how much I hate Sundays. They're always those days when you can have fun and then realize tomorrow you have to go to school the next day. I really hate Sundays. It's one of those burst your bubble days. Ugh... anyways after some major crying last night, I have come to the tragic conclusion that love, really doesn't exist.
The Notebook. It's one of my favorite movies, it's about an old man who has to stay with his wife in an old-folks home because she battling a diease that escapes my head right now. But it's the one that makes you forget stuff (Maybe I have it). But there's a whole other story with it, full of leaving and hiding notes and blah blah. Although that is what we would call a true love story, how often does that really happen? They meet as teenagers, she leaves, he goes into manic depression, she comes back, they fall in love again, she has to chose one man to be with forever, she choses him, they live happily ever after and die old in their sleep. Oh yea that really could happen.
The truth is, it can't and after all this drama last night, I truely, truely don't believe in it. No matter how much I've drempt about it and how many times I've wished for it. It will never happen, for me.
People say it changes their lives, it has yet to change mine. And when it did I couldn't do anything about it because I'm still here alone, while everyone else isn't.
That's all for stupid Sunday.
Real life I have to go back to tomorrow.
Peace. Love. Hope.
NCL.
The Notebook. It's one of my favorite movies, it's about an old man who has to stay with his wife in an old-folks home because she battling a diease that escapes my head right now. But it's the one that makes you forget stuff (Maybe I have it). But there's a whole other story with it, full of leaving and hiding notes and blah blah. Although that is what we would call a true love story, how often does that really happen? They meet as teenagers, she leaves, he goes into manic depression, she comes back, they fall in love again, she has to chose one man to be with forever, she choses him, they live happily ever after and die old in their sleep. Oh yea that really could happen.
The truth is, it can't and after all this drama last night, I truely, truely don't believe in it. No matter how much I've drempt about it and how many times I've wished for it. It will never happen, for me.
People say it changes their lives, it has yet to change mine. And when it did I couldn't do anything about it because I'm still here alone, while everyone else isn't.
That's all for stupid Sunday.
Real life I have to go back to tomorrow.
Peace. Love. Hope.
NCL.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Believe.
The Do's
- I do believe in God.
- I do believe in fait.
- I do believe in staying pure till marriage.
- I do believe it is possible for a guy to not be a jerk.
- I do believe in gay marriage.
- I do believe there is a higher power.
- I do believe that the drinking age is to young.
- I do believe that smoking should be illegal.
- I do believe Wal*Mart doesn't bake their own cakes.
- I do believe that there is ONE person out there for someone.
- I do believe in the Devil.
- I do believe God gives you choices, whether you take the right one is a different story.
- I do believe promises are broken, and people make mistakes.
- I do believe concerts are an amazing experience and should be experienced by anyone who loves musics.
- I do believe music can change your life.
- I do believe people who are in jail can change.
- I do believe people do change.
- I do believe in love at first sight.
- I do believe that there are ghosts.
- I do believe you go to heaven when you die.
-I do believe there is a hell.
- I do believe there is purgatory.
- I do believe no one deserves to die.
- I do believe animals have rights.
- I do believe that Globel Warming is occuring.
- I do believe teen pregancy is wrong.
- I do believe that the Lord has a plan for everyone.
The Don't's.
- I don't believe evolution.
- I don't believe everything happens for a reason.
- I don't believe there is are two choices, I believe there are right and wrong ones.
- I don't believe in re-creation.
- I don't believe in Santa.
- I don't believe that everyone can find their solmate.
- I don't believe in the death penalty.
- I don't believe animals should die, just because.
- I don't believe in smoking.
- I don't believe in certain people.
MORE WILL BE ADDED LATER!
- I do believe in God.
- I do believe in fait.
- I do believe in staying pure till marriage.
- I do believe it is possible for a guy to not be a jerk.
- I do believe in gay marriage.
- I do believe there is a higher power.
- I do believe that the drinking age is to young.
- I do believe that smoking should be illegal.
- I do believe Wal*Mart doesn't bake their own cakes.
- I do believe that there is ONE person out there for someone.
- I do believe in the Devil.
- I do believe God gives you choices, whether you take the right one is a different story.
- I do believe promises are broken, and people make mistakes.
- I do believe concerts are an amazing experience and should be experienced by anyone who loves musics.
- I do believe music can change your life.
- I do believe people who are in jail can change.
- I do believe people do change.
- I do believe in love at first sight.
- I do believe that there are ghosts.
- I do believe you go to heaven when you die.
-I do believe there is a hell.
- I do believe there is purgatory.
- I do believe no one deserves to die.
- I do believe animals have rights.
- I do believe that Globel Warming is occuring.
- I do believe teen pregancy is wrong.
- I do believe that the Lord has a plan for everyone.
The Don't's.
- I don't believe evolution.
- I don't believe everything happens for a reason.
- I don't believe there is are two choices, I believe there are right and wrong ones.
- I don't believe in re-creation.
- I don't believe in Santa.
- I don't believe that everyone can find their solmate.
- I don't believe in the death penalty.
- I don't believe animals should die, just because.
- I don't believe in smoking.
- I don't believe in certain people.
MORE WILL BE ADDED LATER!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I was told I now have Annixiety Disorder
Yesterday I took my first trip to my theropist.
She was surprisingly very nice. And listened extremely well, which I pictured she would since it is in fact her job. I told her all of my problems, and she explained to me that I have an Annixiety disorder.
Apparently it is when I get something so worked up, my stomach hurts, and everything ends up going all sjhyiuyeiophjdkhjsk. She said that it will go away after about 1,000 sessions. And apparently she has to have a few talks with my Step-mom and I because most of the problem is my step-mom.
I don't know if you all know of my step-sister. She does not live with me, she's a sophmore in college. But she's said some pretty mean remarks to my step-mom causing her to take all her anger out on me.
This morning I overheard my step-mom say; "she has to go" I immediatly panicked beings the fact my step-mom would be kicking me out but much to my surprise she didn't kick me out, my dad took me to school and told me everything would be fine.
I hope.
It seems like even if I forget to do one thing everything turns bad, and sour. I get yelled at and called a "spoiled brat" more times then I can count and then she says I can't live there anymore. That then upsets me, so I call my mom and doesn't listen, but still.
I have a feeling tonight is one of those nights where her anger will all come out on me. And there's nothing I or my dad can do about it.
I just have to sit there and listen to her yell and scream about how spoiled I am. And I have to say, it sucks because when you're being told by someone who should be your parent that you're a terrible person, and have absolutly no right to live on this earth, you kind of feel like you're a piece of crap.
All this was why I moved with my mom, but it didn't work out. I hate feeling this way. And I know I have depression and it's all because of her.
The stupid women I'm stuck with.
I wish it would all just go away, but it can't.
And on December 28th it will all be final.
My dad has no idea that most of my pain comes from her.
It sucks to know he will never know that he made my life a living hell because he married her.
I can't take any of this anymore, it's coming towards my breaking point.
And there's absolutly nothing I can do but sit and watch my world crumble down.
Talk to you all soon,
N.C.L.
She was surprisingly very nice. And listened extremely well, which I pictured she would since it is in fact her job. I told her all of my problems, and she explained to me that I have an Annixiety disorder.
Apparently it is when I get something so worked up, my stomach hurts, and everything ends up going all sjhyiuyeiophjdkhjsk. She said that it will go away after about 1,000 sessions. And apparently she has to have a few talks with my Step-mom and I because most of the problem is my step-mom.
I don't know if you all know of my step-sister. She does not live with me, she's a sophmore in college. But she's said some pretty mean remarks to my step-mom causing her to take all her anger out on me.
This morning I overheard my step-mom say; "she has to go" I immediatly panicked beings the fact my step-mom would be kicking me out but much to my surprise she didn't kick me out, my dad took me to school and told me everything would be fine.
I hope.
It seems like even if I forget to do one thing everything turns bad, and sour. I get yelled at and called a "spoiled brat" more times then I can count and then she says I can't live there anymore. That then upsets me, so I call my mom and doesn't listen, but still.
I have a feeling tonight is one of those nights where her anger will all come out on me. And there's nothing I or my dad can do about it.
I just have to sit there and listen to her yell and scream about how spoiled I am. And I have to say, it sucks because when you're being told by someone who should be your parent that you're a terrible person, and have absolutly no right to live on this earth, you kind of feel like you're a piece of crap.
All this was why I moved with my mom, but it didn't work out. I hate feeling this way. And I know I have depression and it's all because of her.
The stupid women I'm stuck with.
I wish it would all just go away, but it can't.
And on December 28th it will all be final.
My dad has no idea that most of my pain comes from her.
It sucks to know he will never know that he made my life a living hell because he married her.
I can't take any of this anymore, it's coming towards my breaking point.
And there's absolutly nothing I can do but sit and watch my world crumble down.
Talk to you all soon,
N.C.L.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Is it all real?
There are a lot of things I don't get, love being one of them.
How come it works for everyone else except me?
I mean, I know I'm fat I don't need anyone to tell me that. And I know I'm ugly but what I don't really get is why I haven't even had a glimpse of love. I've had jerk boyfriends that lasted a couple days but I mean no one likes me. And my school has this thing yea it's called a love bug. I remember the days I could tell everything to my best friend, but not anymore.
So I'm telling it to you all.
I really don't get it at all. I'm seeing it happen but nothing for me. Guys I like always like the pretty girls why not me? I guess the movies lie huh? Yep, they do.
So I'm joining team Kasey.
I don't believe in love anymore.
As much as I want to, I just don't.
The end.
P.L.H.
N.C.L.
How come it works for everyone else except me?
I mean, I know I'm fat I don't need anyone to tell me that. And I know I'm ugly but what I don't really get is why I haven't even had a glimpse of love. I've had jerk boyfriends that lasted a couple days but I mean no one likes me. And my school has this thing yea it's called a love bug. I remember the days I could tell everything to my best friend, but not anymore.
So I'm telling it to you all.
I really don't get it at all. I'm seeing it happen but nothing for me. Guys I like always like the pretty girls why not me? I guess the movies lie huh? Yep, they do.
So I'm joining team Kasey.
I don't believe in love anymore.
As much as I want to, I just don't.
The end.
P.L.H.
N.C.L.
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